Wow... surprise surprise... its been a while since I have updated my blog.  I guess since joining facebook I have really neglected my blog.  Anyway, I've been doing a lot of reflecting on my life and dreaming about my future.  I cant believe that I started this blog in December '04 and now it is December '06.  In 2004 couldn't I have imagined my life to be much of what it is now, but in 2006 I can't really imagine having it any other way.  I am  supposed  to be studying for my last final of my graduate career, but I cant seem to tear myself way from my thoughts and reflections. 

Isn't it funny how your life can change in the course of 2 years?  Yeah there are some big changes, but the greatest change occurs as a result of the summation of the minute alterations.  Small, seemingly insignificant tweaks in perspectives and outlooks combine to yield a massive change in how you view situations and, maybe, life as a whole.  It is as if God knows that we don't do too well with MASSIVE changes so He gets us to move this way or that by taking reeeeeally small steps so we don't FREAK OUT.

I could sit here and delineate all of the small and large 'tweaks'  that have occurred in the last 2 years, but I'll spare you the details.  What I will say is that I have learned that 2 major life lessons, specifically in the course of the last year.  The first being that 'if you do the thing you fear the most, the death of that fear is certain'.  If I hadn't lived by that in grad school I would most definitely have missed out on so many life/learning experiences.  The second, and most important is that if you (hold on for the cliche') pour your heart out to God, He will hear you.  Actually, best of all, He will ANSWER you.  I know that analogy is probably tired and worn, but it still holds immense Truth.  All I know is that God has done some amazing things over the past year that can ONLY be attributed to His hands working in my life and the lives of my family and friends.  I have been richly blessed and I am sure that if you're reading this that you have been, in some way, a part if it...  so THANK YOU and I am excited to see where I will be in December '08.... Oh wow... that just seems like forever, but I am sure it will be around here sooner than I could ever imagine

Okay... I am having a slight issue with something and XANGA gives me a soapbox and a theoretical listening/captive audience to whom I can relay my beef... here it goes.... Ya know on facebook, when you are scrolling through your 'friends' and you click on a certain pic and you see "you are friends with X'.  Sometimes you say 'sweet, we are friends!', other times you say 'Yeeeeeahhhh we are ::cough cough:: friends.', and then there are those times when you say 'we are friends?' What constitutes a friendship?  CLEARLY facebook is not the end-all of defining relationships, but it can serve as a catalyst for an interesting train of thought.  So here it is, my chief complaint,:  There are those people in your life who walk in and walk out  and the duration of their stay is varied from seconds to years; there are people who are constant and serve as guides, true companions, and mentors; and then there are those people who CAN'T DECIDE whether they want to be in or they want to be out .  It is as if they are practicing for their next GS/slalom race and they are in-out-in-out-in-out of the 'gates' of your life...STOP IT ALREADY!!! Just GO if you can't decide what you want because a life without you is better than one that is always wondering if you're coming back... 

Now, don't get all arrogant or concerned as to whether this post applies to you.  It is not as if the other half of the 'relationship' is without recourse or responsibility.  If you were to close the door on that faux friendship and then lock it (or at least put a chair or a grad student's book bag in front of it) then Mr./Ms. indecisive would have not opportunity to waiver.  The ball would then be back into his/her court and he/she could walk away (well, you have your answer) or they could apply some effort/fight for something that they truely find valuable.  Either way, think long term, assess reality and not potential, and stick to your guns.... I digress...

::DISCLAIMER:: The previous post was just the words to a song so there is no need to worry, I am not having a nervous breakdown. 

OMG what about this beautiful weather!?!?!? It is absolutely fabulous! I think that I am going to wear a t-shirt today.... risky risky.  Anyway, this week is almost over and so is the semester.  Things are picking up again as far as class work goes, but such is life.  I need to head out to my session, but HAVE A HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!

I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am. I wish that I could move, but I'm exhausted and nobody understands how I feel.  I'm trying hard to breathe now, but there's no air in my lungs.  There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb.  I try to hold this under control.  They can't help me 'cause no one knows...

I'm feeling weak and weary walkin through this world alone.  Everything I say, every word of it cuts me to the bone and I bleed.  I've got something to say, but now I've got nowhere to turn.  It feels like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the whole world...

Now I'm going through changes.  God, I feel so frustrated lately.  When I get suffocated, SAVE ME! Now I'm going through changes... I'm blind and shakin, bound and breakin. I hope I make it through all these changes.